next time dont lie to me

end

2006-11-28T22:56:12Z

this is pretty much the end or this journal.
so long and fairwell.
haha.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-26T23:03:00

2006-11-27T04:03:33Z

so i started my new book: "when the dream is almost over"
um. im kinda sick of people. ha.
its like every move hurts someone, but you try to benefit others, you kill yourself.
its such a good thing that i pretty much dont care what people think.
ah. i love muh boys.
love em
love em
love em

call me, so i can come see you.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-19T21:53:00

2006-11-20T02:53:09Z

you're pretty much destroying me.
oh well. you're happy.
thats all that counts.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-18T21:07:00

2006-11-19T02:07:32Z

mcla. thats we're i'll be.
come find me.
the berkshires.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-16T20:40:00

2006-11-17T01:40:51Z

ouch. that hurts.

apology

2006-11-14T03:14:42Z

today was a very long day.
im so sorry if he hurt you.
it pained me to see your tears.
but now you know, why i hurt sometimes.
he can be such a beast.
but your here, and im here.
so lets be here together for eachother.
even though thats kinda not allowed.
its okay.
or atleast it will be.
and yes, puedes tener paz en la tormenta.
you've shown me this.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-12T22:24:00

2006-11-13T03:24:06Z

i know that you're out there. but i just cant find. its been so long. ive turned myself in to the previous attempts. and success hasnt been reached. failure hasnt either. remodeling is occuring. sometimes i wonder. maybe im too sensitive. maybe i take it too heavily. this thing that is going on between us. here is the thing tho. i know that it is real. and i know that something is going on. because you look at me and the world it stops....

psych. i havent found that yet. except i have. well its found me. i just havent returned the realization. whatever. i have almost all the time in the world. but maybe that just isnt enough time. but i'll still strive for excellence. cause i wont settle. 'something' just isnt enough for me. whether i deserve it or not. whether or not if i am worthy of it. i'll have it. trust me. i get what i want. ask anyone. and if i dont get it, trust me, it defff wasnt worth it.

a philosopher once told me that if anyone didnt get what they wanted out of life it was either because they didnt want it bad enough or they became quimble at the thought of the price of that thing. niether is an object in my world.

valerie there you are..
im writing another book.
any suggestions?

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-09T19:16:00

2006-11-10T00:16:07Z

today was nice..

except for the insecurities and paralyzing selfdoubt.
it hurt. i cried. im just glad that you were there.
you're my bestfriend. and i wouldnt have it any other way.
tomorrow will symbolize the seventeenth year of my existance.
and im petrified. of change. and growth.
and yet i anticipate my life that is bound to unravel
before my very eyes.
im going to be rediculous in all that i do.
being a child and a young adult at the same time.
be cause im ready for the responsibilities and stories to come.

and all that i should say,
i wont.

im am forever grateful to Lisa.
thank you.
our friendship can be a secret.
for now.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-04T01:39:00

2006-11-04T06:39:22Z

i cant believe she is dead...
it was suppose to end that way though.
and tonight was fun.
mommy. daddy. you look so beautiful together.
its time like tonight that a camera was created for.
and i miss bethany.
we'll hang out tuesday.
im writing a new book.
its time, its going to be...
well you'll see.
and i love emily!
so much.

latingonewhite @ 2006-11-01T11:20:00

2006-11-01T16:20:34Z

today is all american rejects.
with marianne!
score.

way to be late.
yeah last night was great.
no you're late.
ha.
im too cool.
psych.
double psych.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-30T20:45:00

2006-10-31T01:57:08Z

i miss it when we use to be dorks.
sitting home on a friday night just listening to those tunes.
the days that we'd just let time fly by and it be just me and you.
the days when it was okay to sound stupid, and cry.
the days that we didnt care about drinking or getting high.

i miss it when we use to be rejects without hope.
when our people were just tall dopes.
back in a time when matching was overrated.
and we'd sing to greenday about being sedated.

i miss it when it was just you and me.
when we didnt need those cute guys to feel happy.
a time when thoughts were enough.
when we'd make fun of how much they all bluff.
when we were truely a crew.
a crew that consisted of me and you.
but now its just over populated.
consisting of jerks who mad us tainted.

i miss it when we said we'd never change.
and now its not the same.
what can i say?
besides i miss you.
ywah, i miss you.

but you'll never know, cause i'll never say.
and you'll never guess cause now you're identical to the rest.
whatever.
im use to it.
but damn.
i really miss you girli.
this'll all come to pass.
i'll be here.
like i said i would be.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-30T00:29:00

2006-10-30T00:32:17Z

you are mine.
and im yours; always yours.
show me, what you want to see.

today was very nice.
harmonica is pretty amazing.
i love you christine.

i cant wait till next weekend.

i miss emily.
and im gonna kick his ass.
for being, a boy.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-23T14:00:00

2006-10-23T18:04:47Z

this may sound funny but my life just doesnt work without you. remember that time we snuck in and climbed the latter that lead to sin. the one that lasted the entire night, the one that eventually lead to this fight. the fight about the truth we lost. the fight about the love that thought we'd be together until the end. to the ends of eternity and back again. dont tell me that it was just worth that one night, becuase thats no reason for any man to cry. so go ahead and tell your friends that it was just lust at first sight but i'll forever remember the night that you kissed me with all your might.

<3 will make you beautiful again.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-23T12:55:00

2006-10-23T16:59:28Z

well my fucking link to the camera and computer is broke.
so i think i just might have to cry about that one. agh. its gaaaay. anyhow. i got a new cool place to go when all is well, itself.

last night. diner with marianne was nice.
bertucci's.
inside joke: how's ya fake it? yes! you did it! haha
um.everythings the same nothings changed.
isnt that just wonderfulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll!?

the oc.
is important.
i must say.
so i'll do that.
tonight.
the ladies.
which is life.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-22T22:57:00

2006-10-23T03:02:41Z

he is dead.
i cant believe he is dead.
dont feel guilty.
because he died alone.
its not your fault.
i dont wanna die; alone.
i wonder how long he was just there; dead.
i think it foul play.
but im just a synic.
damn.
RIP.
you were a great man.

me. c. and katherine.
music.
here we go.
ready to rise this generation.
with music.
the power of love.
**sigh.

i love marianne.
still.
im sure i had something else to inform you of.
but i simply cant remember.
oh yeah..
*him.
tuesday night.
im so excited.
awh, you make me smile, in a way that is scandales.
haha.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-22T10:22:00

2006-10-22T14:27:25Z

my pita is here.
its time to go to wortown.
then ciao bella.
to meet marianne.
and go to southboro.
for barb's bday.
thennnnn chilllll.

um.
im tired.
i need to get a new firewire to upload muh pictures.
bizzznitch.

latingonewhite @ 2006-10-21T23:44:00

2006-10-22T03:48:12Z

its been a while.
i miss writing.
so i wont stop.
today i visited fsc with tamara.
she is pretti great.
and funny.
i liked it.
but i dont wanna like it.
long weekend.
tomorrow, the bell tower.
im so excited.
but not for what comes after that.
i just get so empty, when i have to face you.
damn it.
this next part is for you.
because i know you listen.
because even thought he might not change.
it'll be okay...
you know the title.
infact you've read this.
but i'll keep it here so we can remember the good when all we can see is bad.

title:the breakfast club
every friday she asks him what he is doing.
and every friday he says the same thing: workin.
in a tone that is too cool for life.
in a tone that makes her feel insignificant.
every friday night we get together and he calls her to ask where she is at.
calling to say that he got off of work early, and that he'll stop by.
when he comes over its perfect.
he is the sweetest guy.
smiling and singing with no shame.
being so different that you'll practically forget that this is all apart of his game.
you see what he does is reel you in.
makes you fall in love with him.
friday is he is a gentleman.
monday he is a man.
a man with priorities and a reputation to maintain.
a man that cannot be caught dead with her.
the funny thing is that we know all of this before it even begins.
the funny thing is that we pretend it doesnt exist.
she'll invite him over.
he'll say no.
then call.
then come over.
and laugh and sing.
then he'll leave.
and monday he'll ignore her.
no one knows it but we have such a great time, when no ones looking.
and knowing that they dont belong together isnt true when he is there.
they belong together on friday.
and all of this would only make sense on friday.
we could be oh so great together if we tried.

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-24T21:01:00

2006-09-25T01:04:57Z

atf was amazing.
but now what?
i guess that tomorrow we'll see.

i got a violin.

i miss katerine.

im playing thursday at school
6:30
you should come.

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-19T20:35:00

2006-09-20T00:43:55Z

my book is hitting the stores.
thank you.

boy. i love the way i fit around you so well.
ask me.
ask me if i care.
yeah. i do.

this weekend.
thanks to grams=atf.
all weekend.
hopefully some bands will be good.
vanderwander, expect a call.

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-17T20:40:00

2006-09-18T00:40:37Z

its so great when you're enjoying today
and not stressing tomorrow.
im shhh shaking.
shhh shaking up.
cause boy you make this different than before.
when everyday i dont want want more.
just this.
its good.

but you. ha. miss.
you're so fucking insincere.
i hate it when you say things
and have no idea what it means.
just shut up.
that is as honest as you can be.

iloveyouvanderwander!

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-17T20:38:00

2006-09-18T00:39:06Z

oh and all the hell i put you through.
my horoscope was right!
what a nice night.
it different what i have for you.
its different how i describe.
and its different how i want you.
i like this.

"go ahead sarah. for the fourth time."
-vanderwander's daddy-o

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-17T20:38:00

2006-09-18T00:38:13Z

wink at me again boy and i'll chase you down.
ahugah!

sometimes we gotta do what we want least
in order to get what we want most.
so test my manifesto of love...
rule number one:fight to get it, then fight to keep it.
because if you wait any longer
this moment will be gone.
before you even knew it existed.
trust me.
i should know...

i know this isnt easy,
but if you pass out i'll bring you home.
cause we both know what its like
to be alone.
you'll never wander if you went wrong.
cause you'll never lose this friend.
count on it. (go ahead).

its funny.
because you and i are alot alike.
we're afraid.
of being hurt.
of being proven wrong, that we can be happy.
but i tired of this.
cause it hurts to be alone.
so lets try.
i'll cover your booboo's,
if you'll cover mines.

im not going to jynx myself. so ask all you want. i wont say a word. he doesnt have a name. i'll only tell you that im done with this game. cause i've realized that we, we truly are, all about the chase and not the actual win. we like having boys at the tips of our finger tips just so we can munipulate them into feeling what we feel, helpless an empty. we like leading them on then shutting them down. its fun. but in the end what do we have.. nothing. lol. absolutely nothing. so here i'll go screaming my lungs out, because im done with the late nights of contemplation and long days of anticipation. i've come to find that when you dont look, it comes. so i'll tell you. just like i told myself. but be ready. for anything. trust me like "a doyle" would. nievely? i dont know. i know what i know, and i know im right. so follow me. and i'll bring you to a brighter place, when lying in the sun can last forever with the person who blocks the angry wind. yes. can you see that? can you imagine..
i just realized... ha. im not talking about a boy. im talking about completetion. im talking about something beyound attraction, or sex or even thought. im talking about passion, and feelings beyond doubt. im talking about a soul mate. something that goes further that what we want here and now. something that our minds can not even comprehend. something that im anxious for. and yet i know that its timing will be perfect. take your time. the more i want, the better it shall be. you can wait with me if you want. just remember. unlike my vision or strenght. my vibes never tend to fail... and i've got an incredible feeling about this. yes. yes. i do.

promise me one thing:dont ever let fear rule your life.
promise me? never.
promise me.
promise me!

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-06T21:15:00

2006-09-07T01:15:15Z

shut the fuck up.

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-06T01:00:00

2006-09-06T01:06:27Z

its it funny how we all just want something new.
something better to hold on to.
i know thats what i want.
maybe thats why im talking to you.
you are different.
and yet remind me of myself.
except from before.. when i knew who that was..
hopefully i wont remind you of someone you hate.
god knows i have plenty of those already.

candle is burning out, and i miss you.
i miss you. agh.
i say that im done, but i just wanna go back.
back to when you said...'iwantyou.'
back to when i was an idiot, 20minutes ago.
whatever.
better will come.

LOVE:
rule1.Know what you want.
rule2.Fight to get it then fight to keep it.
rule3.Let them go and if they belong to you, they will return.

latingonewhite @ 2006-09-02T19:14:00

2006-09-02T23:19:18Z

last night and this morning was great.
2nd day of school.

emily's house.with chris foster and ken.
banana demonstrations. haha.
branch in your pants.
dancing.
scary night stories.
advice that is still being pondered.

*and ofcourse, boy, you disappointment.
this part is for you:'good-bye.'
agh. i believe that is number 5 from this summer alone.

this morning!
breakfast.
zack. your funny. and a really good chef.
car rides with that guy.
donuts? i believe so.
swings.
jumping out of windows.
masage...ohgod. dontstop.
emily=quiet. valerie=screamer!
ha.

tonite? maybe adam's casa.
partizzle.
thanks for the invite abby.